Divorce

In class this week we discussed divorce and remarriage. Going through a divorce is not only hard for the couple involved, but also especially challenging for their children. It is important now that we learn how to have a healthy marriage so that we can avoid the chances of divorce. I think it is interesting that the more religious you are, the less likely you are to get divorced. It makes a lot of sense though! I think a big reason for this is when you aren't religious at all, getting married is just like signing a contract. And a contract is pretty easy to end. When you are religious getting married is more of a covenant. There is an eternal view to the marriage and the couple is able to see the big picture. Temple covenants are made to God. Also, religious people tend to be more family oriented which usually means they are less selfish. And divorce happens most of the time because of some type of selfishness.
When there is a divorce there are then many challenges for the children. Kids often times feel like they need to take sides and choose between parents. This could even be because one parent is encouraging them to take sides. For girls, they are more likely to become promiscuous, and also more likely to get pregnant as a teenager. This is because she wants attention and to feel loved by boys, since she does not have a father that is always present in her life. Another challenge that happens is the Disneyland dad syndrome. I had never heard of it this way before, but it was very interesting. When parents get divorced, the average dad lives 400 miles away from their children, making it sort of a vacation when kids get to visit dad. In this case, dad's house is usually much easier than moms with very little responsibility. Such as, sleeping in all the time, no chores, and just having fun with no responsibility. Going to dad's is treated like a holiday and usually there are not many rules. Sometimes, the dad does this in hope that this children will like being at his house more than the mom's house. And this can create a lot of conflict. Remarriage can also be a big challenge. And the main reason for that is because rules drive behavior, and there are no set rules for step parents. When there is a step parent it creates confusion for all. With moms and dads, they both have defined roles and set rules, it is very clear as to what they should do and their roles in the home.
Divorce makes things more complicated usually. Unless there is abuse in the home, then divorce is not the right thing to do most of the time. Except in rare cases. People that want a divorce and do not get one, and are married 5 years later, are typically very satisfied and have a good marriage. And very glad that they stayed married. A lesson here I guess is to have good communication, don't be selfish in any way, and try to just work things out.

“Meanwhile, mortal misunderstandings can make mischief in a marriage. In fact, each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. Happiness can come to them only through their earnest effort. Just as harmony comes from an orchestra only when its members make a concerted effort, so harmony in marriage also requires a concerted effort. That effort will succeed if each partner will minimize personal demands and maximize actions of loving selflessness.” -Elder Russell M. Nelson

Becoming a Parent

Becoming a parent is a wonderful opportunity, but also very challenging. I really like this talk by Bishop Victor L. Brown called, Rearing Children Wisely. It talks about the things mothers and fathers should do together to raise their children. Here are some quotes from the talk.
"As parents, we share the responsibility for the actions of our children, whether their actions be for good or ill. I suppose there are none of us who wouldn't acknowledge the successes of our children and perhaps feel some pride in having had something to do with their achievements, but what happens when they make mistakes? Quite a different reaction takes place. Too often we give vent to feelings of anger. Whereas we had a hand in their success, we deny, through our actions, any part in their failure."

"Becoming a parent is one of the greatest blessings and opportunities in life. With this blessing comes grave responsibility. The home is the most important unit in all society, and parents to a great measure establish the spirit of the home. No responsibility is greater than the rearing of our children. Sometimes no responsibility is more difficult. When they do as we wish, there is no problem, but when they are rebellious and disobedient, here is a problem Sometimes this problem requires all of the patience, understanding, and long-suffering it is possible for parents to muster. This does not mean that wise discipline is not necessary; on the contrary, it is absolutely necessary."