Intimacy in Marriage

For parents and children, husband and wife intimacy is crucial for strong family and marital relationships. An intimate relationship is one of caring, mutual trust, and acceptance. Caring is showing genuine concern for a person’s well-being. Mutual trust is the feeling that one person will not be harmed or hurt by another. Acceptance is the recognition or approval of each other. Relationships with these qualities set the foundation for healthy nonsexual and sexual intimacy in marriage.

A loving and joyful marriage is one in which both partners are intimate with each other and are both nonsexually and sexually fulfilled and nurtured. An intimate sexual relationship is one of the most important aspects of marriage. It keeps marriage vital. It is the glue that holds couples together. Without it, small problems become large ones, and large problems can result in destroying the marriage.

Regarding the importance and purposes of sexual intimacy, President Kimball stated, “The Bible celebrates sex and its proper use, presenting it as God-created, God-ordained, God-blessed. It makes it plain that God himself implanted the physical magnetism between the sexes for two reasons: for the propagation of the human race, and for the expression of the kind of love between man and wife that makes for true oneness. His command to the first man and woman to be ‘one flesh’ was as important as his command to ‘be fruitful and multiply.’”Dr. David Mace, who is a longtime marriage counselor and writer, spent his career observing the dynamics of marriage. He pointed out “the sexual side of marriage is closely linked with the emotional and personal elements in the relationship. . . . What the married couple have to achieve, therefore, is a sexual relationship that expresses, sustains, and renews their deepest and most tender feelings for each other.” 

Both men and women share the basic need to be intimate with their husband or wife. However, what this means from both a sexual and emotional standpoint is somewhat different for men and women. Boys and girls are socialized and taught differently about affection and being affectionate. Therefore, typically men and women enter marriage with differing beliefs and expectations about giving and receiving affection. Having a basic understanding of such differences is important so that misunderstanding, frustrations, and anger can be avoided. The following generalizations are meant to provide general guidelines and ideas for the marital couple to discuss together.

It’s been said that, typically, men give love and commitment in order to get physical affection and sex. Women give physical affection and sex in order to get commitment and love. It might also be said that men typically hunger for sex while women hunger for romance. Men initially give and receive love to fulfill their physical needs, while women initially give and receive love to fulfill their emotional needs.

Often, women need to feel loved and nurtured before they begin to be aroused and develop desire for sexual intimacy. For women, emotional intimacy is at least as important as the act of sexual intercourse.

Men often need to be sexually aroused before they can truly feel and express love. It’s through sexual activity that men are emotionally and physically fulfilled. Sexual activity often enables men to become aware of their wives’ need for love and emotional support.

Unless partners understand such differences (and others) between men and women, it can be difficult or frustrating for them to find a common ground so that the emotional and physical desires and needs of both can be fulfilled. Understanding each other’s feelings and expectations regarding intimacy (in all its dimensions) and being intimate is the key. When couples understand their own expectations and feelings, as well as those of their spouse, 70 to 80 percent of the time that is all that is needed.