Family Finances

In class we discussed family finances and we read the booklet One for the Money, Guide to Family Finance, by Elder Marvin J. Ashton. I thought that it was really useful and gave a lot of wonderful insights. Some really important things that stood out to me where....
1. Get out of debt and stay out of debt. The only time it is reasonable to go into debt is to buy a modest home or to complete your education. And still, debt should be paid off as soon as possible. In the gospel library on lds.org under the definition of debt it says, "Since the early days of the Church, the Lord's prophets have repeatedly warned against the bondage of debt. One of the great dangers of debt is the interest that accompanies it. When it is necessary to incur debt, such as a reasonable amount to purchase a modest home or to complete one's education, the debt should be repaid as quickly as possible." 
2. We do not spend that which we do not have. We should never be spending money that we do not have. That gets us into debt. It is important to budget your money and spend wisely.
3. Have savings. It is so important for everyone to have a savings account. My parents taught me that when I was much younger and I was always so excited to save my money. Once I put money in my savings account I was not allowed to touch it until I was 18. It taught me to save my money for when I will really need it someday, and now I am so glad that I started saving at a young age. It is important to save money when you have a family because you never know what something will happen where you will need it. For example, loosing a job, a medical emergency, or even your car breaking.
4. Be involved in food storage. My family was not LDS so they did not have very much food storage and did not realize the importance of it. Now I realize how good it is to have though. It is not just for a natural disaster that will probably never happen. Food storage is most used for when money is tight. If you have food storage you will still have plenty of food to live off of for a while.

Fatherhood

This week in class we were able to discuss fatherhood, and how important it is to be a good father. My dad has been a wonderful example to me of what a father should be like. At general conference this last October Sister Dalton gave a talk titled "Love her Mother". I really loved this talk and it explained so well the importance of fatherhood. Here some of my favorite parts from the talk.

“The most important thing a father can do for his daughter is to love her mother.” By the way you love her mother, you will teach your daughter about tenderness, loyalty, respect, compassion, and devotion. She will learn from your example what to expect from young men and what qualities to seek in a future spouse. You can show your daughter by the way you love and honor your wife that she should never settle for less. Your example will teach your daughter to value womanhood. You are showing her that she is a daughter of our Heavenly Father, who loves her.
Love her mother so much that your marriage is celestial. A temple marriage for time and all eternity is worthy of your greatest efforts and highest priority. It was only after Nephi had completed the temple in the wilderness that he stated, “And … we lived after the manner of happiness.”² The “manner of happiness” is found in the temple. It is covenant keeping. Don’t let any influence come into your life or your home that would cause you to compromise your covenants or your commitment to your wife and family.
Today’s popular culture tries to erode and demean your eternal role as a patriarch and father and minimize your most important responsibilities. These have been given to you “by divine design,” and as fathers you “are to preside over [your] families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for your families.” Fathers, you are the guardians of your homes, your wives, and your children. Today “it is not an easy thing to protect one’s family against intrusions of evil into[their minds and spirits. … These influences can and do flow freely into the home. Satan is very clever. He need not break down the door.” -Sister Dalton

The Challenge of Communication

This week in class we discussed good ways to communicate with our spouse. The example of the what prophets of the Church do every week fit really well into our discussion and helps us to know what we should be doing on our own homes. Before discussing things to one another, we need to speak love and gratitude to each other. We should try to say specific things, maybe something that happened that week even. Then it is important to pray together before having a serious discussion, so that the Spirit can be present. We can pray for guidance, love for each other and the Lord, to be calm and not let emotions get out of hand, and gratitude. Another thing couples can do to make their communication with one another better is to go to the temple to discuss very serious topics. It's impossible to feel angry in the temple, and it's a place where you can feel your love for another and the Lord.

Conflict in Marriage

1. Be teachable. Paradoxically, those who need, want, and even seek help are sometimes unwilling to accept it when it is given. Efforts to solve marital problems are unsuccessful when partners refuse to be teachable or to change when change is necessary. Problems will remain unsolved if either the husband or the wife pretends to go through the motion of solving problems but is intent upon influencing or manipulating the other partner into doing all the changing.


2. Use sound relationship principles revealed by the Lord. One of the Lord’s standards for relationships between his children is given in D&C 121:41–42: “No power or influence can or ought to be maintained … [except] by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge.” If a couple wants their problem-solving efforts to be effective, they must strive to incorporate these qualifies in their marital relationships. They must pray for the Lord’s help in learning to treat each other in Christlike ways.


3. Strive to fully understand your partner’s point of view. Most couples enter marriage with a preconceived notion of what a husband or wife ought to be like. Problems arise when each has a different view on the matter, or when either or both views are not in harmony with the will of the Lord for how we should conduct our lives.


4. Fully and sensitively share your view of the problem. When marital problems occur, some husbands and wives share so little information about their feelings that the partner is unable to understand the problem. Instead of clearly sharing their own perspective, some people pout, displace angry feelings (slam the door or bang pots and pans in the sink), downplay the problem (“Nothing’s bothering me”) or give insufficient information (“I’d like to crawl in a hole and stay there. I’m so unhappy”). Sometimes, to avoid facing the issues involved or to avoid personal responsibility, the individual may attack and blame the spouse.


5. Seek a shared understanding. When a husband or wife shares a problem, the most typical response of the partner is to defend himself (justifying his actions) or to counterattack (blaming the partner for the problem just shared). Couples who argue seldom listen to each other. While one is talking, the other is busy formulating his counter-argument.


6. Seek solutions to the problem. After obtaining a shared understanding, Ellen and David then went to the next and important step of generating possible solutions. 

Family Crisis

This week we learned about family crisis and the best way to handle different situations. Some excellent examples were shared in class and I really feel like I learned a lot of valuable things that will help me throughout my life. Something very interesting we learned about in class was the ABC model. Actual events + Behavioral responses + Cognition (what the family thinks happened) = Experience. This model demonstrates that a family crisis can either tear a family apart, or help them grow closer together and be a wonderful experience. It is how you handle the crisis/trial that matters. We should always try to learn from every experience in our life, even the ones that are very difficult.

Intimacy in Marriage

For parents and children, husband and wife intimacy is crucial for strong family and marital relationships. An intimate relationship is one of caring, mutual trust, and acceptance. Caring is showing genuine concern for a person’s well-being. Mutual trust is the feeling that one person will not be harmed or hurt by another. Acceptance is the recognition or approval of each other. Relationships with these qualities set the foundation for healthy nonsexual and sexual intimacy in marriage.

A loving and joyful marriage is one in which both partners are intimate with each other and are both nonsexually and sexually fulfilled and nurtured. An intimate sexual relationship is one of the most important aspects of marriage. It keeps marriage vital. It is the glue that holds couples together. Without it, small problems become large ones, and large problems can result in destroying the marriage.

Regarding the importance and purposes of sexual intimacy, President Kimball stated, “The Bible celebrates sex and its proper use, presenting it as God-created, God-ordained, God-blessed. It makes it plain that God himself implanted the physical magnetism between the sexes for two reasons: for the propagation of the human race, and for the expression of the kind of love between man and wife that makes for true oneness. His command to the first man and woman to be ‘one flesh’ was as important as his command to ‘be fruitful and multiply.’”Dr. David Mace, who is a longtime marriage counselor and writer, spent his career observing the dynamics of marriage. He pointed out “the sexual side of marriage is closely linked with the emotional and personal elements in the relationship. . . . What the married couple have to achieve, therefore, is a sexual relationship that expresses, sustains, and renews their deepest and most tender feelings for each other.” 

Both men and women share the basic need to be intimate with their husband or wife. However, what this means from both a sexual and emotional standpoint is somewhat different for men and women. Boys and girls are socialized and taught differently about affection and being affectionate. Therefore, typically men and women enter marriage with differing beliefs and expectations about giving and receiving affection. Having a basic understanding of such differences is important so that misunderstanding, frustrations, and anger can be avoided. The following generalizations are meant to provide general guidelines and ideas for the marital couple to discuss together.

It’s been said that, typically, men give love and commitment in order to get physical affection and sex. Women give physical affection and sex in order to get commitment and love. It might also be said that men typically hunger for sex while women hunger for romance. Men initially give and receive love to fulfill their physical needs, while women initially give and receive love to fulfill their emotional needs.

Often, women need to feel loved and nurtured before they begin to be aroused and develop desire for sexual intimacy. For women, emotional intimacy is at least as important as the act of sexual intercourse.

Men often need to be sexually aroused before they can truly feel and express love. It’s through sexual activity that men are emotionally and physically fulfilled. Sexual activity often enables men to become aware of their wives’ need for love and emotional support.

Unless partners understand such differences (and others) between men and women, it can be difficult or frustrating for them to find a common ground so that the emotional and physical desires and needs of both can be fulfilled. Understanding each other’s feelings and expectations regarding intimacy (in all its dimensions) and being intimate is the key. When couples understand their own expectations and feelings, as well as those of their spouse, 70 to 80 percent of the time that is all that is needed.

Getting Married

"If you are a young man of appropriate age and are not married, don’t waste time in idle pursuits. Get on with life and focus on getting married. Don’t just coast through this period of life. Young men, serve a worthy mission. Then make your highest priority finding a worthy, eternal companion. When you find you are developing an interest in a young woman, show her that you are an exceptional person that she would find interesting to know better. Take her to places that are worthwhile. Show some ingenuity. If you want to have a wonderful wife, you need to have her see you as a wonderful man and prospective husband. If you have found someone, you can form an extraordinarily wonderful courtship and marriage and be very, very happy eternally by staying within the bounds of worthiness the Lord has established. If you are married, are you faithful to your spouse mentally as well as physically? Are you loyal to your marriage covenants by never engaging in conversation with another person that you wouldn’t want your spouse to overhear? Are you kind and supportive of your spouse and children?

Brethren, do you lead out in family activities such as scripture study, family prayer, and family home evening, or does your wife fill in the gap your lack of attention leaves in the home? Do you tell your wife often how very much you love her? It will bring her great happiness. I’ve heard men tell me when I say that, “Oh, she knows.” You need to tell her. A woman grows and is greatly blessed by that reassurance. Expressgratitude for what your spouse does for you. Express that love and gratitude often. That will make life far richer and more pleasant and purposeful. Don’t withhold those natural expressions of love. And it works a lot better if you are holding her close while you tell her. I learned from my wife the importance of expressions of love. Early in our marriage, often I would open my scriptures to give a message in a meeting, and I would find an affectionate, supportive note Jeanene had slipped into the pages. Sometimes they were so tender that I could hardly talk. Those precious notes from a loving wife were and continue to be a priceless treasure of comfort and inspiration. 


Pure love is an incomparable, potent power for good. Righteous love is the foundation of a successful marriage. It is the primary cause of contented, well-developed children. Who can justly measure the righteous influence of a mother’s love? What enduring fruits result from the seeds of truth that a mother carefully plants and lovingly cultivates in the fertile soil of a child’s trusting mind and heart? As a mother you have been given divine instincts to help you sense your child’s special talents and unique capacities. With your husband you can nurture, strengthen, and cause those traits to flower. It is so rewarding to be married. Marriage is wonderful. In time you begin to think alike and have the same ideas and impressions. You have times when you are extremely happy, times of testing, and times of trial, but the Lord guides you through all of those growth experiences together." 
- Elder Richard G. Scott